What do you think of my prologue?
Prologue On a mountain top somewhere in Greece a goddess was giving birth as the father watched. It was snowing and as the flakes fell on her face they melted and rolled down her cheeks. With a final push and scream the child was here. â€œIs it a boy or a girl?â€ The mother asked straining her neck to see the child that the father was now holding standing in front of her. â€œItâ€™s a boyâ€ the god said stunned â€œbut heâ€™s not immortal like us.â€ And it was true the boy had no glowing aurora like the two others around him. Heâ€™d been born with a full head of thick dark brown hair and had sharp green eyes that were already alert even though he was only minutes old. Yet the eyes didnâ€™t gleam or shine and the child couldnâ€™t talk or move like a newly born god should be able to do so. Tears began to roll down the face of the goddess along with the snowflakes. Her eyes had taken on the abnormal color of blue in her sorrow. â€œItâ€™s just as we feared then breaking my vow of virginity has cursed the child.â€ The father handed over the child to its mother â€œwhat shall we name him?â€ She looked into the childâ€™s eyes for over a minute before saying â€œXander.â€ With a flash of light she puts a bundle of white blankets around the child that he soon becomes comfortable in. She loved her child but knew she couldnâ€™t hold on to him long. If her father found out about him it would be the end for the child. He would kill the boy without hesitation. â€œA great name for the childâ€ he said; he really meant it too. However he knew what his love was thinking that the child needed to be hidden. â€œGive him back over to me I must take him away you know your father will see him soon.â€ It took all her will power to hand over the child she was well aware that it would probably be the last time she ever got to see him. He walked over to the mountainâ€™s edge and whistled and a white pegasus soared out of the clouds and landed next to him. Mounting with a grace only a god could manage he was ready for flight. â€œWhere are you going to take himâ€ she asks suddenly knowing he wonâ€™t tell her but she has to try. â€œYou know I wonâ€™t tell you now I have to be offâ€ he says kicking into the pegasus and flying off into the night air. His flight is a long one that last all night; his speed is fast and constant. Most of the flight was over the Atlantic ocean this he doesnâ€™t mind he would have preferred the Mediterranean oh well, but soon he finds a small city along the coast he figures what town could be better. Landing in the tide of the beach he dismounts the baby had slept the entire trip and it continued to do so. There was a neighborhood only a mere fifty yards away from the beach he strolls up to the nearest house leaving his ride behind. Finding the porch he sits the child down on the welcome rug in front of the door. Whipping out of thin air he makes a scroll and a pen appear in his hands. Briskly he writes down the name Xander and set it atop the child in his bundle. Later that morning Lisa and Ted Chance would find the childâ€¦ thanks for the help guys I've taken it all into consideration I don't know what to do about the Hercules thing is it good or bad that it is reminding everyone of him? thanks for the help guys I've taken it all into consideration I don't know what to do about the Hercules thing is it good or bad that it is reminding everyone of him?
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To long it would bore me to read
Wow, tell me the link to the full story please, and great job. :D
Hmm very good....sounds like hercules but im sure your story would be excellent anyway
â€œYou know I wonâ€™t tell you now I have to be offâ€ --- I feel like that part could be edited so it was a more smooth...if ya know what i mean. other than that it sounded interesting and pretty cool :) reminded me of harry potter a bit though...just the whole setting the kid down a doorstep in a neighborhood part haha
kind of strange... i wasnt able to finnish it because i wasnt pulled in at all, but that is probably because it does seem like hercules and i enjoy different kinds of fantasy
nice mixture of ancient greece and modern times. seems captivating usually i skip prologues coz their boring. i know this is random but i kept thinking of feta cheese as i read this. must be hungry.
It's pretty good. and just like fanpire it totally reminded me of Harry Potter. It also reminded of Hercules. Good job :)
That sounds brilliant id definitely read that have you finished it? only one small suggestion for this part â€œWhere are you going to take himâ€ she asks suddenly knowing he wonâ€™t tell her but she has to try. â€œYou know I wonâ€™t tell you now I have to be offâ€ he says I would leave out the father's reply and change it to something like "he turned to face her and she knew instinctively her thoughts were right" Just so your not repeating those sentences too close together That's just my opinion though i love it very intriguing EDIT: no i wouldn't worry thats just the prologue if the reat of the story is nothing like Hercules then no one will remember
1. Don't change tenses. You started off in past progressive ("a goddess was giving birth") then you moved to present ("with a flash of lights she puts a bundle...") 2. It's not an "aurora," it's an "aura" 3. This sounds kind of like Hercules